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Khudkushi

Aug 19 2008

I wrote the first 4 lines of this Nazm last Saturday afternoon while doing some studying. It seemed more like my pen started writing all by itself. Next morning while sipping tea and watching the squirrels eat bread on my balcony, I picked up (or my pen did) from where I had left and ended up with Khudkushi. After writing Wo Khat, I am glad I was able to write something non-autobiographical.

Below are the meanings of somewhat uncommon words for those of you not that familiar with Urdu.
Also recorded a rough recitation accompanied by some random plucking for those who can’t read Hindi.

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Saurabh Bharat has used an alternate recitation of this Nazm in his short film “I wanna die“.

This Nazm is somewhat drawn out of frequent suicides by Farmers (in Maharashtra and elsewhere) in India who end their lives out of sheer desperation and helplessness. I had written a Ghazal on a similar note back in 2006 called Uske Maathe Ki Lakeeron Me.

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Comments So Far..
  • anupam dhar 19 August, 2008 at 5:22 am

    "Khudkushi kya hoti hai yeh ruh bakhubi jaanta hai
    khudkushi jab man karta hai to ruh bhi kaamp uthtee hai .
    Tadap tadap ke tadaptee hai aur ro kar bhi nahin ro saktee hai ".

    Scriptures mention that souls released after suicides live in total silence and terrifying darkness of the underworlds. They remain there till they take another birth as was scheduled by God, earlier.

    I made up the three lines right now. No contest there, of course.

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  • akaul 19 August, 2008 at 10:26 am

    Arre khudkushi.....naam se hi darr lagta hai...Gautam bhai !!!

    khud-kushi gar jo badle khud-khushi mein
    To nahin darr phir koi bhi iss kainaat mein

    yeh moomkin hai jo sirf jiye doosro ke liye
    jeetey jee paye woh yeh janat apney liye

    yeh bhi instant hai...apki lines padh karr.
    hum koi shayar nahin bas jo alfaaz dil mein aaye likh daley...

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  • anupam dhar 19 August, 2008 at 11:01 am

    I seek permission to express my deep appreciation of the "instant" shayari of Anitaji.
    Keep it up ye builders of this generation.

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  • Gautam 19 August, 2008 at 1:37 pm

    Thanks to you for sharing your lines Anita Ji. Dhar sahab, good improv work!

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  • Janki 19 August, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    First of all...very well written by everyone...
    and I am relieved to find a different nazm...waise title was worrisome at first...
    Deep and at the same has a lighter note (mujhe kuch esa laga)

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  • Gautam 19 August, 2008 at 6:58 pm

    Thanks for reading Janki, all is well 🙂

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  • akaul 20 August, 2008 at 9:42 am

    Thanks to all team/group at dayaar e zafar.

    Sharing is caring !!!
    God bless all with khushi and sirf beshumaar khushi...Amen !

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  • akaul 26 August, 2008 at 10:52 am

    arre gautam Bhai kahan aur kaise ho
    kuch naya tazaa aur instant sunaao

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  • Gautam 26 August, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    Dafn hain is kadar ham apni pashemani me
    Kalam uthaayen to kaise kuch kahe koyi.

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  • Samar 13 October, 2008 at 9:57 pm

    Kis kadar Jaa(n) pe ban Aayi Hai Pareshaani
    Ke Raasta na Raha Koi khud-kushi ke Siva....

    Good work... Keep it up...

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  • Gautam 13 October, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    Mashaallah Samar!

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  • vedat 27 April, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    i came across this film by saurabh bharat on youtube, and the poem wich i didn't understand - i don't know urdu- sounded impressive.... is there a translation ( interlinear & faithfull...)???

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  • Gautam 27 April, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    Hi Vedat, yea. If you can read Hindi, it's very easy to understand. Whatever little Urdu I used - I have provided meanings in the image file.

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  • Gautam 27 April, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    Providing some additional meanings as requested by some people.

    Awaaz e Jaras: Sound of bells tolling
    Ahal e Dil: People
    Agaaz e Zindagi: Life's beginnings

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  • vedat 3 May, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    thank you Gautam for the reply . im afraid i don't know hindi... I should have asked if there was an english translation.. or french or turkish? 🙂

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  • raju 12 January, 2014 at 9:09 am

    It makes little easier to understand Urdu with patient and meaning from Gautamji......Thank you....om

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  • [...] have been doing some reading - on both Spiritual and Poetic ends. A lot has happened since I wrote Khudkushi back in August last year. I have been admitted into Business School, wife of my brother’s [...]

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